i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
