***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
