remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
