I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
where am i from again
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
