oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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