Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.

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(727): View more from Florida

Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.

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