i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
