i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
