I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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