i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My feet surprised me
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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