Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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