god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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