I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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