Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
