It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
