i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my vag is so smooth its legendary
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
