I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
