I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
