actually, I'm a sock model
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
