it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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