as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
