she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
