I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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