im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
