He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
