she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
