with your own penis?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
