watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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