I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
