Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
