i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
