Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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