i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
