Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I deserve this hangover.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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