Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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