and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
