Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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