Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
