if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
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Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
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On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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