Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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