i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
