the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize