He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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