So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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