Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I FOUND THE LEGS
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
