I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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