Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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