Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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