1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
