the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
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all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
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I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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