I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I will pee on everything he values.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
