May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
