Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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