Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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