It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
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i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
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