I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
