just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
