I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
areolas are like halos for boobs.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
