Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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