Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
