You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
