1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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