Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
