Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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