her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
