felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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