he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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