either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
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figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
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at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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