First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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