so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
