I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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