So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he was CRYING into my vagina
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
