she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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