im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
