Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
