"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
