Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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