I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
