Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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