Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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